The Ultimate Toy Boy
by liz1967
Summary: "Just what in the bloody blue blazes did you think you were doing?" she shouted as a ball of incredibly bright light enveloped her office and then, there was nothing...


**For Dectivecaz, and Fairytales Hope you like it :)**

"Just what in the bloody blue blazes did you think you were doing?" she shouted as a ball of incredibly bright light enveloped her office and then, there was nothing.

M stood there, stunned as she looked around at nothing. No walls, no windows, no ceiling and no floor...nothing. She was surrounded by total darkness and then suddenly a light shone down several feet from her and she saw a rather befuddled Bond staring back at her.

"Are we dead?" she asked as she took a step forward and bumped into the clearest glass wall known to man "Where the hell did that come from?" she said as she ran her hand up the glass. James was just as confused as he stood on the other side of the glass. He could clearly see that M was speaking but he could not hear a single sound.

"James! Answer me!" she shouted as she glared at him thru the glass

James was busy inspecting the wall, using the butt of his gun to tap and pound his way from top to bottom, occasionally taking a step back and smashing into it with his shoulder, only to be bounced back like a rubber ball.

"I honestly don't know what you see in that Neanderthal of a man," said a deep voice from the darkness

"I beg your pardon," said M as she stood with her hands at her sides, clenched into tight fists "Who the hell are you? And more to the point where are we?" she asked sharply

"A better question would be when are you" replied the voice

"What do you mean when?"

"Madam, at this precise moment, you are everywhere and nowhere."

"But that isn't possible" she said as she strained to see just who was speaking

M had turned her back to him, and clearly, she was having a conversation, but it was too dark for James to be able to see who or what she was speaking to. As he helplessly watched, he could see the faint silhouette of a man emerging from the darkness. He was a tall man, average build, with dark hair and angular features. As the man came closer to M, James began to panic, pounding wildly on the glass to get her attention.

"You know my agent is right there with his weapon pointed directly at you," said M, desperately trying to remain calm

"Oh, him" said the man rather dismissively as he looked at James, who had drawn his gun, "I can't imagine he will do much damage with that" said the man as he snapped his fingers and James gun instantly transformed itself into a banana

James planted his feet and took aim only to discover that what had once been his Walther PPK, was now a nice ripe yellow banana.

"That was a wonderful trick, all done with smoke and mirrors of course?" said M as she too stared at the banana James was now holding

"My dear lady, if it was all just smoke and mirrors then how do you suppose I could do this?" he said as he snapped his fingers again and M found herself standing in a green, grassy meadow, surrounded by beautiful wildflowers. She could hear the water running in the stream to her left and a magnificent Monarch butterfly landed on her shoulder. "I bet your little action figure of an agent can't do that!" he said smugly

"No...as a matter of fact...He can't" she said, her eyes wide with amazement as she picked a flower and closed her eyes as she inhaled it's sweet fragrance, just to convince herself that it was all real. "You never told me your name," she said as she turned to face the man, who was now a few mere inches from her

"That would be because you didn't ask nicely." he said as he brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek "I really don't understand what it is about your bipedal species, that the most beautiful women are attracted to the most ordinary of men"

"So I'm a species now?" she said as she stepped back "Well, I'll have you know that this "Species" as you put it has quite a temper, and I..."

"Yes, the last one I fell in love with did too" he interrupted

"I'm sorry?" she said with a confused look

"Yes, she was also a woman of great power, but her loyalty and devotion kept getting in the way...You know how starship Captains can be" he said nonchalantly

"I'm sorry...did you say STARSHIP Captain?"

"Is there something wrong with your hearing? Oh wait, that's right, your people haven't developed the ability to travel thru space yet have you?"

"Travel thru space?"

"Well I'll admit it's more like crawling than traveling, but still..."

"Where is James?" she said, abruptly changing the subject

"You mean your own personal little super hero? He's right where I left him..."

"I demand that you take me to him this instant!" she said sharply

"Why would you want him when I can take you places you've never even dreamed existed..." he said as he put his arm around her, pulling her to him

"Just take me to James!" she said pulling away from him

"As you wish, and by the way it's Q," he said

"What's Q?"

"Me...That's my name...Q"

"You're not Q. Q is a brilliant young man in our Research and Development department who wears glasses and a cardigan, and usually looks as though he is in dire need of a haircut" she replied

"Oh yes, I've studied him. He is quite clever for a human," replied Q

M had no idea how to respond to the last statement, and Q found her silence rather amusing.

"What's the matter Olivia? Cat got your tongue?" he asked with a laugh

"How do you know my name?"

"I told you, I've been watching you for a while now. Oh, the other members of the continuum find my interest in your species absurd, but I find your unpredictability rather refreshing not to mention amusing"

"The continuum?"

"Yes, that's where I exist, and you could too if you wish" he replied "That is unless you are content to spend your days babysitting that...juvenile delinquent you call your agent" he said as he snapped his fingers and suddenly they were back where they started, in the darkness, only this time James was standing beside her.

"M" said James anxiously as he pulled M away from Q "Are you alright?...Did he hurt you?"

"Relax double oh good for nothing...she's fine" snapped Q

"I'm fine James," she said nervously, but Q here..."

"I'm sorry, Who?"

"She said Q, that's who" he said with a giggle, "I made a pun, this is fun"

"Oh great, we've been kidnapped by Dr. Seuss" snapped James

"Oh I can see why you love him. He's a sharp one," retorted Q

"I don't LOVE him," said M as she glared at Q

"Madam, your lips say no, but your actions tell a completely different story," replied Q smugly

"That shows what you know. If she loved me, she wouldn't send me into harm's way every ten seconds" interjected James angrily

"That would be because it is your job!...but that is beside the point. What do you want with us?" she demanded in a slightly more confident tone

"Us is not the correct word. "You" would be more appropriate" he said as he came to stand beside M, putting his arm around her and gently tugging her out of James reach "I've seen how you struggle to keep your Junior G-man here in line, and I just thought you might like a change of pace" he whispered in her ear

"I'll thank you to take your hands off her!" snapped James as he reached over and pulled M back to him, and put his arm protectively around her shoulders

"My dear double 0 fancy pants, I can give her all the excitement with less aggravation than you could ever imagine," replied Q as he pulled M back

"Will you two STOP pulling me about like I am the rope in a game of tug of war!" shouted M

"Is it because he is young, handsome, well dressed or a good kisser? because I can be that too, and I am a better kisser" he said arrogantly as he snapped his fingers and suddenly he was dressed to the nines in a dark suit as he leaned down and captured her lips in a deep, passionate kiss that, although brief, left her a bit breathless and weak in the knees.

"LET HER ALONE!" growled James as he once again pulled her back to him in a protective embrace "Are you alright?" he asked as he tilted her chin up to look at her. All she could manage was a weak nod as she leaned into him, resting her head on his chest.

"Clearly, there is only one way to settle this matter. Sir I challenge you to a duel for the lady's honor," said Q smugly as he produced to rather archaic firearms.

"A duel? You can't be serious," said James with a look of total shock

"What's the problem? Afraid you will miss" asked Q as he snapped his fingers and suddenly appeared on the other side of James

"This is absurd" said M, who was doing her best to control her temper

"This has got to be a hallucination," said James under his breath

"Well, if it is than we have a bigger problem as we are both experiencing the SAME hallucination" she snapped

"May I have a moment to speak to M in private?" asked James

"Certainly" replied Q as he crossed his arms and took a few steps back "Take all the time you need"

James put his arm around M and leaned down close to her ear so that Q could not hear them.

"Perhaps we are going about this all wrong," said James quietly

"I'm listening," she said as she kept an eye trained on Q

"Maybe instead of trying to convince him that you are just my boss, we should go the other way and convince him..."

"007, I see where you are going with this, and as crazy as it sounds, if it will get him to go away, then it is worth a try," she said

"So we are agreed then. I accept his challenge to a "Duel" for your honor?"

"Yes" she replied, as she looked up at him "Just promise me that you won't miss."

James gave her a squeeze and a wink and turned his attention back to Q.

"Alright you have yourself a deal," announced James

"Oh goody" exclaimed Q "Back in a jiff" he said as he snapped his fingers and disappeared

"Now where the hell do you suppose he's gone?" said M

A few moments later Q reappeared, at least they thought it was Q. He had transformed himself into an exact duplicate of James, right down to the last tiny scar.

"Q...What is the meaning of this" asked M as she glared at him

"I just thought it would be more interesting if you couldn't tell us apart," he said standing beside James

"Because, if what you say is true and you have no emotional attachment to HIM" said Q motioning to James "Then it will not matter who loses" he finished with a sly grin

M was not at all comfortable with the latest development in their situation. as she kept glancing back and forth between the two James'. She had to admit, it was rather difficult to tell them apart at this point.

"Are we ready?" asked Q

"And just what will we be dueling with?" asked James suspiciously

"These of course" replied Q as he produced two rather archaic dueling pistols "Choose your weapon sir and prepare to lose"

James took one of the pistols and stood in front of M

"Make it count James," she said as she leaned up and kissed his cheek

"With pleasure Ma'am" he said as he held her hand to his cheek

James and Q stood back to back and prepared to mark off their paces when Q suddenly stopped.

"Oh this is all wrong," he said in an irritated tone before he snapped his fingers and the three of them were transported to a field on a 19th century estate with giant weeping willow trees.

"There that's more like it" he said proudly "Shall we start again? but before we start, there is just one more thing, Oh and no speaking from this time forward" said Q as he grasped James' arm and the two began spinning wildly before they came to a stop, making it impossible for M to tell who was who.

As the two marked off their paces, James could not help thinking that at any given moment his pistol would turn into something different, like a water balloon launcher for instance.

The two reached their ten paces, turned quickly, and fired. Once the smoke had cleared, M stood stunned as one James was standing with a dumbfounded look on his face while the other was lying on the ground. She took a step forward and looked at the James who remained standing and asked him for the "safe word". James and M had established a "safe word" not long after her bodyguard had attempted to shoot her. As soon as he began to ponder the question, she immediately rushed to the James on the ground, cradled his head in her lap, and gently kissed him.

"I knew this was a foolish move," she said as a tear slipped down her cheek

"Relax Madam," said Q as he transformed back into his original form "He is merely stunned" he replied as he produced a bean bag gun.

"You should be ashamed of yourself" snapped M as she smoothed away a few strands of hair from James' forehead before leaning down and kissing him again

"I see now that I may have won the battle, but I have lost the preverbal war," said Q as he shot her a disgusted look, and the suddenly the world went black.

M found herself sitting on the floor of her office with James lying in front of her with his head in her lap.

"James?" she said as she looked around her office

"M? What the hell just happened?" he asked as he looked up at her with confusion

"I'm not entirely sure" she replied in an equally confused tone

"Was I dreaming? Or did you just kiss me?" he asked with a smirk as he reached up to cup her cheek

"Is it really you?" she asked hesitantly

"It is really who? Mr. Q?...Oh God, now I'm doing it" he muttered "Would Q do this?" he asked as he pulled her down and captured her lips, murmuring the word "Mansfield" as he kissed her.

"007, this is highly inappropriate behavior," she said as she grinned and returned the kiss. After a moment, she pulled away and got up, extending her hand to James as he rose

"So...do you think it was a hallucination?' he asked as he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms protectively around her

"Something tells me it was not," she said as she motioned to her desk where a dueling pistol rested against her nameplate

"So...are you still mad at me for earlier?" he asked as he nuzzled her neck

"What?...Oh, well, I guess I have sort of gone off the idea of finishing your official dressing down, what with all the excitement with that Q fellow" she said as she settled into his arms "He was rather fascinating though don't you think?" she asked mischievously

"Would you have gone with him?" asked James quietly

"James" she said as she looked up at him "Although the idea of being whisked around the universe was rather intriguing, YOU are all the excitement and adventure I think I will ever need" she finished as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"The pleasure is all mine" he replied as he happily returned the kiss

~FIN~

The Ultimate Toy Boy


End file.
